Hello Saturday

Thank you for the V day gift B!  I Love it!  It makes my van snazzy.

I've written and rewritten this like seven times now.  

Long story made short:  This week SUCKED!

I usually can move past feeling fatalistic and shitastical by focusing on the positives.

If that doesn't work, I look at people who are truly worse off than I am.

If that doesn't work; well, that usually works.

Guess what!  It's not working.

I feel like a piece of crap.

I've now decided that for today, I am going to just feel this way.  I am not going to try to make myself feel better.  I'm going to go to Shanny's choir concert, Kim will have her sleepover here with Sarah, and I will make spaghetti.  I will clean, I will fold, I will do schoolwork.

Touche world!  You win today.

Tomorrow, however, you can suck it because I'll be back with a vengeance.  

That is all.

Still Alive

Hi everyone!  I know it has been a long time since I have posted.  I promise it won't happen again.  Life in the last three weeks has been tumultuous to say the least.  I feel like this picture right now.  I know the sun is there but these clouds just won't get the fuck out of the way to let it shine through.  

Nana (Becca's mom) ended up with a brutal kidney infection and was in the hospital for a few days.  She's back home right now and getting better.  Slowly but surely, but at least she's out of that horrid hospital.  Who gives a vegetarian (yes, all her paperwork says vegetarian) a chicken dinner and then tells them to eat around the damn chicken?  WTF?  Papa got on their asses and she got meals without meat at least.  They weren't edible but they didn't have meat.  Becca brought Nana some food as well as buying her some stuff from the cafeteria.  My sister and I whipped up an egg salad sandwich, an organic banana, and some decaf peppermint tea and Becca and I took it in.  I'm just glad she's out of that crap hole that we call a hospital.

I can't stop thinking something is going to go wrong with the house that we're buying.  We have got to get out of this place we live in.  In the last year we've had a shooting 50 feet from our front door, someone killed in the building next to ours, the same day as that someone was shot at behind the office, car prowls like you wouldn't believe, and the shit just keeps on coming.  No matter how hard the manager tries to get these people out of here, they are like ticks.  Despite all this, my daughter used to walk the two blocks to school (and back on days we didn't head out to B's) because it is environmentally irresponsible to start the car, drive two blocks and drive back just for an hour of school.  Sorry environment.  After the drug deal that my kiddo saw (and the heroin dealer saw her watching him) she goes no where by herself.  She doesn't even take the garbage or recycling out anymore.  She's effectively had the few freedoms she does have taken away because we live by a bunch of assholes.  So, we've got all the loan paperwork in and it's being processed.  The inspection has been done.  Now to wait for the appraiser and approval.

B's going through a rough time, without going into details.  Do you ever just wish that you could wave a magic wand and help the people you love?  Just know that I love you Ducks and I'm here.  We'll make it all work.

I'm so tired of all the bullshit drama created by people.  Grow up, deal with your shit, and stop putting it on other people.  Enough said.

All right bloggin' folks, I'll be more consistent with the blogging.  

Have a wonderful weekend.

That is all.

I'm Walkin' Oh Yes Indeed!

When I started walking in January, I could barely walk to the corner.  Yesterday we (Morgan, Kim, and I) walked .8 miles.  It was very windy and cold but we did it!

Yay us!

This picture has nothing to do with my post, but isn't it pretty?

That is all.

They Are Not Environmentalists

They are Earth Warriors!

*Based on a quote by Daryl Cherney*

 

I usually don't cross-post between here and Happy Hippie Heart but I absolutely love my Earth Warriors and had to do a cross-post!

 

Hi There

I totally dig a sock monkey strolling downtown. :)  He was there for the Grand Opening of ModSock, this fab sock store on Cornwall Ave.  Here's Kimbo, followed by Sarah and Shannon.

Really wish Kaitlyn had been here!  As you can see, Sarah is sporting her sock monkey hat that Kim bought for her.

I :heart: Sock Monkey!

Love

I decided to link up to the fabulous Cyn's Valentine's meme about loving yourself.  You can always check Cyn (and her awesome photography) out at The Chunky Goddess.

Loving myself.  What does that mean to me?  Honestly, I don't know.  I spend so much of my time caring for and worrying about everyone else, that I forget to take that "me" time.  I think this is a common problem for women in general, and mom's specifically.  (Yes yes, it's a sexist statement but I think you'll live).

I have this weird mix of loving myself and hating myself, which again I think is pretty normal.  So many of the things that I dislike about myself are the things I think of as failures.  Do I love myself?  I don't think I do.  I mean, I know that I rock out loud, but I don't think I love me very much.  I like me some days, does that count?

I would love to love myself.  How do I do that?  How do I change my self-perception?  Is it affirmations in the mirror, like Kevin says?  "I am smart, I am beautiful, and darnit, I love me".  Well folks, that involves looking in the mirror and I try not to do that.  Do I look at myself from the point of view of those that love me?  So, I asked some of them.  "What do you love about me"?  Let me tell you, thems are some crazy people! :)  Thank Goddess they are all in my life because my friends rock.  I've heard it said that you can judge your character by the quality of the people who love you.  In that case, I definitely am amazing, albeit a bit loose in the noodle.

Loving myself.  It means understanding my flaws and knowing that I am only human.  It means celebrating my good points and knowing that I can be pretty rad.  It's about owning my shit and saying "I will do better".  It's about loving those in my life and doing what I can to make their lives better.  It's about surrounding myself with honest people who make me want to be a better person.  It means being who I am and not changing into who I think others want me to be.

Maybe I do love me.

That is all.

Making Sense of the Noise

The last week has been a series of moments that I feel so mixed about.  I am in this place in my brain, which I wish would just shut up sometimes by the way, that is like sitting in a really comfortable chair in a room where you know there is something very dangerous but you don't know what it is.  You want to relax but you can't quite bring yourself to do it.  It's like knowing, as soon as you relax, BAM!  Usually, I can just relax in that chair and take things as they come but right now, not so much.  I've been thinking about life, love, loyalty, pride, prejudice, pain, selfishness, selflessness, loneliness, and breaking points.  I'm running around in mental circles until I'm dizzy.  So time marches on and I march with it; hoping I can make sense of the noise.  It's like it's waiting for me to figure it out.  Until I do, I'll be the me that I am, doing the things that I do, becoming ever better, and finding the peace in my heart.

"At night when the stars light up my room.
I sit by myself talking to the Moon.
Trying to get to you, In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon"

Bruno Mars ~ Talking To The Moon

That is all.