A Year

I cannot believe a year has passed.  

A year of birthdays, sunrises, and yes, of grief.  You are so missed Nana and still loved beyond measure.

Thursdays still aren't the same.  I made your cupcakes for your birthday.  The cedar waxwings came back.

I love you Colleen!

Worst Blogger Ever!

 Hi Kittens!  

Yes, I know, I'm the worst blogger ever.  Over a month has gone by and I have not blogged.  I feel shame.  Shame and anguish!  I do hope you'll forgive me!  Life has been a bit busy but I am going to try to get better about blogging.  I know, you've heard it before, but this time I mean it....;)

 As you can see, B bought the kids a trampoline.  In completely unrelated news, Kim sprained her wrist.  We also had a very scary trip to the emergency room.  Like, call an ambulance for my passed out and unresponsive daughter, scary.  Not a fun time.  Still not sure what is going on but she had an allergic reaction to something and dehydration didn't help that any.  She had food allergy testing on Tuesday and we are waiting for Children's to call about getting her back in with the gastroenterologist.  She's been having stomach problems for a few weeks and we're not going to wait until this gets bad to get it figured it out this time. 

Mother's Day is usually within a few days of  my mom's birthday and it's rarely a good day for me.  Although I try not to mire myself in grief, I usually spend the day in a funk.  This year, mom's birthday fell on the same day as the Heritage plant sale in Ferndale.  B and her mom went every year and this is her first year without her.  We decided to be selfish and take the day for ourselves.  We went to the plant sale which began with us crying in the car.  We walked over and I immediately saw a Wisteria that had my name all over it.  It was mom's favorite plant and what better way to wish her a Happy Birthday?  Poppa gave B some $$ for us to buy plants and have lunch so thank you Poppa for the pretty plant!  I picked up a few other plants and a present for Sarah's birthday, then I went to sit down.  Part of my way of handling my anxiety is people watching.  I noticed this guy who was cute and figured he was waiting for his wife because it was clear he wasn't interested in the plants.  Becca and I were chatting back and forth across the sale and one of my friends showed up.  I noticed, while talking to Michelle, that this man had gone to talk to Becca.  Hmmm...odd.  My friend went off to find plants and this man walks up to me "Susan"?  "Yes?"  "Your friend told me to come over here, my name is Chris".  Let's face it folks.  For such an intelligent woman, I'm kind of a moron.  I assumed he was Becca's ex boyfriend Chris and she wanted me to meet him.  I'm smooth too, let me tell you.  "It's nice to finally meet you".  A few seconds of small talk and I went back to talking to my friend Michelle.  As Becca and I were leaving, I feel a tap on my shoulder.  This guy hands me his phone number written on a piece of paper and all sheepishly (and how adorable can he be?) told me if I wanted to call him, that would be great.  I smiled and think I said something like "Oh cool!  Have a good day".  He walked back into the store near the plant sale.  I walk up to B and say "Your creeper ex boyfriend just gave me his phone number".  "I've never seen that guy before in my life.  He came up to me and asked if you were single.  When I told him yes, he said you were beautiful so I gave him your name and told him he should talk to you.  I think he came out specifically to meet you".  Yep, smooth as glass, that's me.  This totally cute guy is hitting on me and I'm not only oblivious but kind of ridiculous.  Becca and I had a great day filled with memories, fun, and I think being together really helped us get through a miserable day.  I got home around 9 that night and the next day was Mother's Day so I didn't get a chance to call Chris until Monday night.  We talked for four hours that night and have been rather inseparable since.  He's fantastic, my kid adores him, and he thinks I'm amazing.  I am over the moon for this guy!!!  It's so nice to finally be happy and he does make me so happy!  Okay, enough gushing.  You'll be hearing more about Chris in the future, never fear!

Well, I've babbled on long enough.  School's almost done for the kids and summer is almost here.  It's been a rough year here in The 'Ham and I'm hoping the next year will gift us with happiness, peace, and love.

That is all Poppets. 

Victory In My Defeat

I've talked about my anxiety on the blog before.  

It is pretty severe and every time I think I'm getting better, I am reminded that I'm really not.  

I've talked about how some days, it takes everything I have to crawl out of bed.

Today, I crawled out of bed knowing that I had a garden project meeting.  

This is a great program.  They build you a 4'x8' raised bed garden, fill it with awesome soil, section it into 1' sections, provide you with training, seeds and starts.  

There are 3, two hour meetings.  The first one, today I thought, is where you learn about what grows here in Whatcom County and you order the seeds and starts that you would like.  Kevin ended up having to work because it is the Fun With The Fuzz 5K.  Kim and Beth had plans to volunteer at the Humane Society and then spend the day together just bumming around the mall, value village, and Goods Produce.  That left me on my own.  Going to an unfamiliar place with people I don't know.  Cue the anxiety.  I got dressed, I waited and waited for what seemed like forever until it was time to go.  I drove into town and got a coffee at  Cool Beans, then went to the ReStore where the meeting was being held.  I thought.

I get there and have to choose between the stairs and the elevator.  I was shaking a lot so I took the elevator because I didn't want to fall on the stairs and embarrass the crap out of myself.  Can we say wrong choice??  I get in the elevator which is tiny, but I can handle that.  The door closes.  The light does not work.  I am now in a pitch black box that is not moving.  At all.  I pulled out my phone for a bit of light.  Three minutes later the box finally ascends.  Sort of.  It groaned, stuttered, stopped at one point, and finally got to the 2nd floor.  The door stayed closed.  At this point, I really am proud of myself for not curling into a ball and sobbing until the vet showed up to put me down.  The door opens and I practically flew out of the death lift, shaking even more than when I got into it.  I walked down the to entrance door on this beautiful veranda with lovely plant boxes and nice chairs to sit in.  The door was locked.  There were no signs.  Nothing.  I knock on the door thinking maybe I got the time wrong and there was somebody in there.  Nothing.  I peek in the very dark windows.  Nobody.  I sit down in one of the chairs, take a sip of my coffee, and text Becca.  JoJo calls me back because B is driving (he went last year and he could tell me if I was in the right place).  I was in the right place.  A quick call to Julia (the coordinator) that went unanswered and I decided to take the stairs down and ask in the ReStore if anyone knew if I was in the right place at the right time.  Blank looks and shrugs.

At this point, I feel like I'm going to pass out so I go out to my car before I embarrass myself more.  I drive to the redbox at 7-11 and grab a few movies I had reserved for Beth, Kimmie, and myself.  Becca called to make sure that I was okay.  I was.  Ish.  I knew I'd be okay once I got home.  

What happened here? 

 I checked the calendar.  

Well, that's what happened. 

 I need to learn to read a calendar because it's next week.

I am going to do this all over again next week.

I choose to find victory in the fact that I not only went, but I went by myself.  By myself and without passing out, vomiting, crying, or otherwise making a complete fool of myself.  

Screw you anxiety, I won today!!!!

That is all.

Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes

I have been involved with this walk in one way or another since 2004.  Growing up, one of my best friend's mom had this scary disease called Diabetes.  I didn't know a lot about it but I knew that she was sick, had "reactions", and sometimes went to the hospital.  Watching what I now know were diabetic reactions to low blood sugars was scary.  For a long time I didn't know what to do or how to handle it.  Over time, I learned a little bit about what to do, but was still mostly just scared.

In 2000, I found out that one of my best friends had Type I Diabetes.  He kept a lot of the effects of it from me, other than occasional low blood sugars and it wasn't until 2007 that I finally saw the hell the he lives in.  It's a hell of constant vigilance or risk having a low which, for him, leads to seizures if they aren't caught soon enough.  He had to have reconstructive shoulder surgery and in order to do that, we had to have his blood sugars under strict control.  It became a focus of our lives for over a year.  I've learned an enormous amount about what this disease can do to you if you do not manage it properly and sometimes even if you do.

My father was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes several years ago.  He manages it well but it's always a worry with neuropathy, possible vision loss, what he's eating, when he's eating, if he's resting enough, and if he will get sick or not.  You see, people with Diabetes don't heal as quickly as they should.  A simple cut on the bottom of your foot, if you don't feel it or just think you stepped on a rock, could be life threatening. 

I want to live in a world that doesn't have this insidious disease.  I want people to educate themselves on some of the causes of Type II Diabetes.  I don't want to wonder anymore if this seizure is the seizure that takes him away from me.  I don't want to wonder just how much shorter Diabetes has cut my loved one's lives short. 

If you can donate even $1.00 then please do so by CLICKING HERE for my personal page.

If you are in the greater Seattle area (I live about 2 hours away) and want to walk then please CLICK HERE to join our team.  You can also join the team as a virtual walker if you cannot attend the walk but want to raise money.

 If you want to join or start a team for a walk in your area, you can find a walk by CLICKING HERE and entering your zip code on the Step Out homepage.

Whether or not you walk or donate, please pass this information to your friends through email, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever social media you would like to use.

 

The American Diabetes Association asks walkers why they walk.

 

I walk for love.

 

That is all.

The Pampered Chef, Saturday, and an Award.

Hi all,

I'm hosting an online Pampered Chef Party.  

If you have ever purchased anything from TPC then you know the top quality product and awesome warranty that they provide.   

Although I am hosting the event on Facebook, you can order without even going to the page.  

Here's how to place your order:

Go to www.pamperedchef.biz/intveldkitchen
Click "Shop Online"
Enter "Susan Fine" as your host
Select the blue link “Susan Fine "
Shop! Shop! Shop!

***FREE Small Batter Bowl with purchase of $60 or more!! ***

 
All orders will be submitted together and shipped when the show closes on February 26th; 

credit cards will be processed at that time. 

Direct shipping is available to anywhere in the U.S. 

~ local orders will be shipped to Susan for pick-up.

A big happy shout out to Becca who took my kid clothes shopping today.

$40 for 3 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of shorts, a pair of yoga pants, and  7 shirts.

YAY!  Thank you Becca!!!!!

Menopausal Mother  has nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger award. 

 It always makes me feel good to know that my blog has impacted someone,  other than sending them to the funny farm!

   The rules for this award:
1.  Link back to the person who nominated you.
2.  Post award image on your site.
3.  List 7 random facts about yourself.
4.  Nominate 15 other bloggers.
5.  Notify the bloggers that they have been nominated and link back to their site.

7 random facts about myself:

I have 2 birthmarks.  

Both are photosensitive so one has all but disappeared and the other is barely visible except in the summer.

I like Nickelback.  Yep, I do!  I don't understand why people don't like them or make fun of them.

 Some of you know that I have a Marvin the Martian tattoo. 

 I LOVE Marvin.  He's so cute and destructive. 

I have several tree ornaments, the tattoo, a notebook, pencils, 

and goodness knows what else with his cute little self on them!

I love using Paint Shop Pro to be creative. 

 I also make cards and scrap, and my hope is to start doing some more creative stuff with materials I already have.  I love re-purposing things.

Cooking stresses me out.  What if it doesn't taste good?  What if the people eating it aren't being honest. 

I have mentioned that I have issues so this should not come as a shock that I am a bit OCD about it. 

Although cooking stresses me out, I love cooking utensils.  I love using them.  It makes me smile and helps me to think that maybe it will taste better because I used kitchen gadget x.  

Neurotic, party of 1!  Neurotic, party of 1!

I am not religious but I follow an earth centered spiritual path.

I am constantly trying to be a better person in regards to those around me, new people, and the earth. 

I am going to nominate 6 bloggers who inspire me:

1. The Racy Redhead

2. Masshole Mommy

3. Not Winning Mom of the Year

4. Green 4 U

5. A Beautiful Day

and in a shameless plug for Becca and my blog:

6. Happy Hippie Heart

In all seriousness, HHH inspires me every day to get outside of my head and be positive.  

It forces me to look for beauty in the world, even when I'd rather turn from it.

I know I'm supposed to do 15 but I've already spent the whole day doing stuff, coming back to the post, taking a nap, coming back to the post, etc.. so 6 is what you get. :)

Hope you all have a great weekend!

That is all.

 

Why I LOVE My Life

Actual conversation that happened yesterday:

Me:  Beth, could you measure the Flarke bookcases in the hallway please?

Beth: 9 and 3/4 inches.

Kim: (Exploding out of the bathroom): Platform 9 3/4?

Me: Yes Kim, we are sending you to Hogwart's next year!

Kim: YES!

Beth: helpless laughter

Kim: You're not really sending me to Hogwart's, are you?

Me: more helpless laughter

Truth

I deserve better.

That is all.