Life and a Birthday

A fabulous happy 12th birthday to Kim's bestie, Miss Sarah!!  I hope it is the best ever!  We love you bunches of oats girlie!  Wish for you the best of all things and as much love as you can hold!

Had a great, but stressful, week.  We're moving into the new place but not all the way out of the old apartment.  Last night was the second night in our new house.  Uhm, it's really really quiet out here.  No vacuums at 2 a.m., no dogs running up and down the stairs above my bed, no screaming, and no traffic.  Awesome but very very strange!

Straddling two places is never fun.  Hoping to get it all done by Monday night.  

Have a great week lovelies!

That is all.

Peace

This might be my absolute favorite picture of my daughter.

We were in the car yesterday, zooming to get her to school on time.  (Which of course involved obeying all posted speed limits and laws of the road...ahem).  We had a nice visit with our friend Dawn after counseling and stayed a bit too long.  Fortunately, I am a freakin' amazing and safe driver and was able to arrive with two minutes to spare.  

Now, my daughter and I spend a lot of time together.  Between home schooling all but two of her classes and her being an only child; we hang, a lot.  We have a lot of really cool discussions between the fighting and the drama of pre-teenhood (I should really start trademarking these words). 

We started talking about loneliness and loving yourself and being happy.  These are some pretty deep subjects, especially for a quick car ride to school.  She asked why I'm not happy sometimes.  I told her that I find myself being very unhappy some of the time because I'm not at peace with myself or some of the decisions I've made.  I have a very hard time moving past things sometimes.  A lot of that is because I'm a creature of habit.  I've allowed my anxiety to create patterns for me and when something interrupts that pattern, it causes me no small bit of distress.  I digress.  Back to the point Miss Chatty. 

 You're going to make mistakes.  Big ones and small ones.  You're going to make decisions.  Right ones and wrong ones.  When you're wrong, learn from it.  Sometimes decisions will be made for you.  Experience the feelings, immerse yourself in the experiences; but know that you have to find a way to be at peace with yourself.  Don't let the war in your soul rage on too long.  Learn to let it go.  Know that sometimes you will not have what you want, no matter what.  No matter how much you love, how much you hope, you can't always get what you want.  Make peace with it and move on.  If you can find a way to restore peace to your soul, you will be able to be happy.  There will be times of turmoil, fear, depression, anxiety, desperation, and anger.  There will be times of calm, fearlessness, excitement, and wild happiness.  Regret isn't free.  It has a huge cost, so never buy it!  Meditate, breathe, and give yourself over to the peace in your soul.

I told her that if I could have just one thing in this world, it would be for her to have peace.

That is all.

Our House

I don't have any pictures of it yet, but Kev signed the papers on the house and we get the keys on Wednesday.

We have been working towards this for almost five years.  We've been actively working on this house for about six months.  Before that we spent 15 months with another house.  All in all, it's been a long road.  Every problem that came up, we worked through it.  There were times we just wanted to give up but we carried each other through it.  So yay to all five of us.  We rock.

It's our house.  

Ours.

Happy.

That is all.

Happy Birthday Mommy

My mother would be 64 today.  

Her favorite flower was Wisteria.  

Her favorite song was "What A Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong.

She favored strong, bold colors.

She read, she wrote, she sewed, she cooked, and she loved.

She was kind, loyal, beautiful, funny, smart, and genuinely nice.

She believed the best in people, even when they didn't believe in themselves.

She projected strength and love to the world.

She was secretly scared of so many things but so few saw that.

She was a wonderful friend, wife, and mother.

She taught me to always be true to myself.

To always take the pass less traveled.

She taught me that nobody can make me feel inferior without my permission.

She was amazing.

My friend Amanda said one of the most touching things I've ever heard about my mother:

"There are some people whose love reaches so deep inside of you they forever change your outlook on life. Just thought you should know she did that for me. The way she could see the good in people and offer grace made a permanent impression on me and I think of her often. Thanks for sharing her with me. You are such a beautiful reflection of who she was. What a legacy she left behind!"

If you've still got your mom, give her a hug and remember how lucky you are!

That is all.

Wishes

Gone are the days when I picked up a fluffy dandelion, wished with all my heart, and blew the seeds into the wind.

Today, I closed my eyes and wished with all of what I am.

I wished for my friend Dawn to get well.

I wished for my friend Ducks to be able to be happy.

I wished for my friend Susy to find her new place in life.

I wished for me to always have these people in my life.

Wish hard.  Love hard.  Be happy.

That is all.