Peace

This might be my absolute favorite picture of my daughter.

We were in the car yesterday, zooming to get her to school on time.  (Which of course involved obeying all posted speed limits and laws of the road...ahem).  We had a nice visit with our friend Dawn after counseling and stayed a bit too long.  Fortunately, I am a freakin' amazing and safe driver and was able to arrive with two minutes to spare.  

Now, my daughter and I spend a lot of time together.  Between home schooling all but two of her classes and her being an only child; we hang, a lot.  We have a lot of really cool discussions between the fighting and the drama of pre-teenhood (I should really start trademarking these words). 

We started talking about loneliness and loving yourself and being happy.  These are some pretty deep subjects, especially for a quick car ride to school.  She asked why I'm not happy sometimes.  I told her that I find myself being very unhappy some of the time because I'm not at peace with myself or some of the decisions I've made.  I have a very hard time moving past things sometimes.  A lot of that is because I'm a creature of habit.  I've allowed my anxiety to create patterns for me and when something interrupts that pattern, it causes me no small bit of distress.  I digress.  Back to the point Miss Chatty. 

 You're going to make mistakes.  Big ones and small ones.  You're going to make decisions.  Right ones and wrong ones.  When you're wrong, learn from it.  Sometimes decisions will be made for you.  Experience the feelings, immerse yourself in the experiences; but know that you have to find a way to be at peace with yourself.  Don't let the war in your soul rage on too long.  Learn to let it go.  Know that sometimes you will not have what you want, no matter what.  No matter how much you love, how much you hope, you can't always get what you want.  Make peace with it and move on.  If you can find a way to restore peace to your soul, you will be able to be happy.  There will be times of turmoil, fear, depression, anxiety, desperation, and anger.  There will be times of calm, fearlessness, excitement, and wild happiness.  Regret isn't free.  It has a huge cost, so never buy it!  Meditate, breathe, and give yourself over to the peace in your soul.

I told her that if I could have just one thing in this world, it would be for her to have peace.

That is all.