Monday, December 31, 2012

I Love You Daddy


Happy Birthday Daddy!
Be safe and well today.
My love is with you during your procedure today, 
as it always is.

I tried to find a good quote that said all that I want to say.
I couldn't find one because they all weren't good enough.

Thank you for showing me to be a good person.
Thank you for loving me even when I falter.
Thank you for knowing when I need to hear "I love you".

I may have my own little girl, but I will always be your little girl.

I love you Daddy!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Twas 4am On Black Friday

Twas 4am on Black Friday, and all through the house
The alarm clocks were buzzing, people starting to grouse.
Blankets thrown off without even a care,
We got up and shuffled on, with a zombie like stare.

My child was nestled all snug in her bed.
She’s grumpy that early, I don’t want bloodshed
Beth in her hoodie and I in fuzzy socks
Had our hearts set on fleece pjs and on my black crocs.

When in my kitchen there arose such a clatter,
“You’re making a smoothie?  What is the matter?”
To the kitchen I waddled kind of slow like a duck,
“Are you crazy, are you serious, what the fuck?”

The moon outside was hiding behind clouds,
We were inside preparing for crowds.
When, what to my wondering ears should sound,
A text telling me it’s time that we were store bound.

Now Becca, now Susan, now Bethie, and Tim,
We’re off to Fred Meyer, where to begin?
Electronics, Housewares, Toys, or Apparel?
I began to think “These people have gone feral”.

Their eyes did not twinkle, no dimples so merry,
Their cheeks flushed like winos, their faces were scary.
We plastered on smiles, we’d make someone happy,
And if not, we’ve got Becca who’s really quite scrappy.

We made it through without a single harsh word,
I’m so very proud that I didn’t get flustered.
Straight out to the car we did hustle,
Carrying that stuff took some serious muscle.

With Beth off to work, three of us crawled inside
Another Black Friday down and nobody cried.
I opened the window and out of the car I did lean,
"See you all later, we’re off to Cool Beans"

My rhyming leaves something to be desired, but it was a great morning!  
I hope everyone had a safe and happy day today.
That is all.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Happy 13th Birthday Baby!


I cannot tell you how proud I am of the woman that you are becoming.
Your love, compassion, and beauty overwhelm me.
Your Grandma Chris would adore you!
Know how much you are loved my baby girl.
Being your mother is a privilege that I spend every day being thankful for.
Happy 13th Birthday Kimberly!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Birthdays, an Anniversary, and Samhain

Sunrise October 1, 2012
It was like the sun knew it was B's birthday and wanted to look extra pretty for her!  We all chipped in for a fantastic tattoo for her.  As soon as it heals all the way, we'll post pictures.  Happy Birthday baby, love ya!


It was also Sharon's birthday that day! 
Happiest of Happys Alterno-momma! Mucho love!


Just a few days later, Poppa had his birthday! 
Here he is with his awesome chocolate cake with avocado frosting. 
Sounds weird, I know, but SO tasty!!
Love you Poppa!
2012 Pride Parade

Over at Happy Hippie Heart we celebrated our 2nd anniversary.
A big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read our blog! 

Semi-decent picture taken by me!



Well, there it is.  Changing trees. 
Proof that autumn, has indeed, arrived. 
Today is rainy and cold and I am starting to love it!!
Yes I ache, but the beauty of fall is worth it.
I wish one of us had a camera handy yesterday.
A shower of leaves danced in the wind
before coming to rest on the street.
I have no words to describe the peace that my soul felt.


It's almost time for Samhain. 
The end of the old year. 
Time for reflection.
I get very introspective around this time of year.
It's time to take stock.
What have I done? 
What can I do better?
Have I lived my life to the betterment of others?

Have you?

That is all.



Friday, September 28, 2012

Peace, Fall, and Corporate America


I cannot believe it almost October.  How did that even happen?  I'm sure it has something to do with the ancient Greeks, Romans, or something but you know what I mean!

October 12, 2011
 Fall has come to the Pacific Northwest.   I don't know that I'm ready for it.   Usually, by now, I'm begging for orange and yellow leaves, 55 degree days, and two blankets on my bed.  Here's hoping that next week boosts my love of fall back to normal.  We've got B's birthday, Alternomomma's birthday, Pops' birthday, and decorating for fall.  Tonight I've got the kids so B can get her new tattoo.  I am making up a nice curried split pea soup and (vegan) cheesy garlic bread.  Mmmmm....yummy!


Yup.  I did it.  After 2 1/2 years as a vegetarian, I went vegan about 3 weeks ago.  I'd been hemmin' and hawin' about it because hey, I like my cheese you know.  The catalyst for most of my changes (we call her Becca) and I sat down with the kids and watched Vegucated.  I'm a visual person and if you want me to take the time to seriously change my life, you have to impact me visually.  This documentary did that for me.  It's one thing to read about what is done to dairy cows and hens but seeing it is heart wrenching.  I'm not going to preach (much) and tell you why you should watch this movie but I will say this:  Seriously think about what eating meat, cheese, milk products, and eggs does to you, the environment, and the animals that they come from.  Vegucate yourself and live your life with compassion towards those who cannot speak.

Peace March 2012
The peace march was fantastic!  The kids, Becca, and Seth walked from Maritime Heritage park, through a bit of downtown, and up Cornwall to the First Congregational.  All the kids were asked to carry flags.  They were all awesome, but I have to love the "corporate america" flag that Kim was carrying.  Instead of the stars representing states, there are corporate logos.  It's a fascinating statement about how corporations are the ones who run this country.  We all had a fab dinner of Italian hoagies at the park, then I drove up to meet them at the church.  Of course, I went to the church where it stopped last year.  The marchers got there, and I was taking pictures, and then they kept walking right on past me and up the street.  Whoops.  I hopped in my car and gathered up my crew up at the other church and home we went.

Okay, bread's almost done and the kids look like the might start eating each other. 
Have a great weekend kittens!

That is all.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Thunder....

Susy, myself, and Stacey with "Thunder From Down Under" 2005
This weekend was all about the men from Australia and New Zealand.  Aren't they just uber fine?

Well, it was all about the half naked men until my kiddo got sick.  Sadly, the trip to Snoqualmie Casino was cancelled.  Kim felt badly about it, but what are you going to do?

Is it a consolation to anyone that my school work was not only done, but I made up a missing paper?
Probably to my GPA but that's about it.

So anyway, to those who got to see the hot dudes, hope you had fun!

To Susy, I'm sorry babe.  I love ya and miss you!  Wish we could have gone!

Peace March 2011
This week brings us the Peace March with Dana Lyons as the MC.  
If you don't know Dana, he is a local activist and musician who travels around the world.

He's about to start "The Great Coal Train Tour" and get people riled up about the (more than) mile long coal trains that will be running from "Montana and Wyoming through Sandpoint, Idaho to Spokane, down through the Columbia River Gorge, then up along the Puget Sound coast, passing through Longview, Tacoma, Seattle, Edmonds, Everett, Mt. Vernon, Bellingham, Ferndale and all points in between".   The quoted bit there is from Coal Train Facts

It's a big deal here because we live in one of the most beautiful places on earth and this will be parking in our backyard while it offloads tons of coal onto boats bound for China.  I'm not going to give you all the reasons why the coal trains are horrible, you can check it out for yourself.  If you're in any one of the regions affected by this, you should get involved and get involved now!

Back to the Peace March.  This will be the second year that we're going and the kids are already excited!  Here's the information if you can take the time to come on down:
(I totally copied and pasted this from Dana's calendar.  I'm a plagiarist.  It's true.)

9/21/12 5:00pm
Bellingham, WA Peace Day Event
First Congregational Church in Bellingham
2401 Cornwall Avenue
Bellingham, WA 98225
360-734-0217
Price: free/donations accepted
September 21st Friday
5pm march
5:30 peace day celebration
Dana will MC the event and sing "Circle The World"
The March
We meet at Maritime Heritage Park starting a 5:00 pm on Friday September 21st.
Joe Marx has confirmed that his drumming group will accompany the marchers from Maritime Heritage Park.
Cascade Montessori 7th and 8th graders will be marching with us and handing out their peace cranes to bystanders....
Kulshan Chorus will be performing their peace music from around the world.
Keynote Speaker Michael McPhearson


Okay kittens.  This long week is over and looking forward to the next!

That is all.




Saturday, September 8, 2012

I'm Back

From 2009 (bottom right) to 2012 (top left)
Kim has become a part of Becca's tradition of Labor Day photos at Hovander.  
It's amazing to watch the children change from year to year.  
The boy even got his head chopped off a bit on top because he's too tall now! 

I've been away from the blog for just over two months.  I couldn't articulate what I had to say and what I was feeling.  So, I made myself sit down today and blog.  

There's a lot going on in my world and the world in general.  

Tomorrow is Becca and Seth's 13th anniversary.  
Happy Happy to some of the best friends a girl has ever had! 
Larrabee State Park 2008
Tomorrow is also three months since Nana passed.  
It's hard to believe.  
I miss you Nana.  Whole bunches.  Wish you were here.
Foxglove, Nana's favorite flower.
School is ticking along.  I switched majors because the whole computer programming thing just wasn't working for me.  I'm working on my Bachelor's in Criminal Justice now.  It's my passion and I should have gone with my first instinct.  I'm doing fairly well this quarter.  I kind of blew off a few weeks because of camping and vacation, but I'm back on track now and doing fine.

We did our big camping trip at the beginning of August.  It's the first year Kevin didn't go with us, which was weird.  Kim had sprained her knee on July 4th so she wasn't able to do a lot of the hiking and spent a lot of time with me at camp. Papa went with us for the first year!  Super fun!!!  It's the highlight of my year and I'm already excited for next year.
Kim and Sarah Larrabee 2012
Beth, Kim, and I rented a car and drove down to California to see Susy and Kaitlyn near the end of August.  Did I mention that was a looooooong drive to do on your own?  We took two days on the way down and three on the way back.  Kim took a lot of pictures of the journey but somehow we misplaced the camera during our time with Susy.  The last night we were there Marky took the girls, Bethie went off on her own, and Susy and I went to a club.  We got in a bit of trouble but hey, isn't that the fun part?  Really, it wasn't our fault......  No pictures of that because I'm at B's for the weekend and they are all on my computer.

Last weekend was Water Balloon Wars 2012.  It's our 5th annual balloon war and we had just about 500 balloons this year which is our most yet.  It takes hours to fill up all the balloons and just about 10 minutes to beat the living snot out of each other with water.  B and I filled up almost all the balloons this year and boy, did our hands hurt!
Becca's aerial view of the beginning of the war 
It's an election year but we'll be talking about that later this week.  
Be safe and enjoy this last weekend of summer if you're here in the Pacific Northwest.  I think this is all we're getting.  Kind of a weather-cruddy summer, but the beauty here comes at a price, and that price is rain.
Becca's gardens

Well kittens, it's time for me to go.

That is all.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Michael Clarke Duncan


Forgive me for being gone for so long.
I just didn't have it in me to blog.
I will be back to our regularly scheduled program soon.

Goodbye Michael Clarke Duncan.
You were a big man, with big talent, with a bigger heart.
Your gorgeous smile, kind eyes, and your wit will be missed.
Thank you for gracing the screens, both big and small, with your talent.
From outer space, to the green mile, to the Ends of the Earth;
you will be missed.

May the earth embrace you and keep you close to her heart.
May your spirit soar free.
Rest In Peace.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy 4th!


Have a wonderful 4th!  
Please be safe and sane!  
Don't light yourself on fire, take care of your pets, and have fun!

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

Remember that you have a responsibility to speak out.  You have the responsibility to stand up.  Silence is the least patriotic thing that you can do!

There is a quote from Hermann Goering that defines blind patriotism and I think it applies to our country right now.

“Naturally, the common people don’t want war, but after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy and it always a simple matter to drag people along whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country.”

Please don't drink the kool-aid! 





Saturday, June 23, 2012

Pieces


It's been two weeks since we lost B's mom.  It feels like so much longer.  Like we've lived a lifetime in the last fourteen days.  

Everything's in little pieces, scattered everywhere, and it's like trying to pick up glass with oil covered fingers.

We just keep moving.  Keep loving.  Keep living.  It's all we can do.

That is all.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Grief

I've written, rewritten, and written again so many times in the last two weeks.  I haven't disappeared.  Becca's mom passed Saturday morning and the words just aren't coming out right.  My best friend has this giant hole in her heart and life.  Things are so hard right now for everyone and all we can do is just keep going.  I don't have words of wisdom.  All I have is love for my family, because they are my family, and this horrible grief.  If I could spare them all this pain for something that I know is a part of life, I would.  I don't care that it's a part of life.  I hate it.  Death sucks for those of us who live on.  We are left trying to make sense of something so sudden and so painful.  There is no sense in this.  There's no way to make this okay.  I feel selfish because I have this huge grief and it feels like I'm not able to help her with hers because I am so sad.  Sad and really fucking mad.  Sorry Nana.  I really am.  This isn't fair damnit!  I know life isn't fair and once again, I just don't care.  I don't want people to tell me that she's not in pain now.  I don't want people to tell me that she's in a better place.  I don't want these trite platitudes that people say because they don't know what else to say.  I know that they are trying to help and that they really believe it.  Fuck it.  She has a lot of life to live and I want her back.  I want her back for Becca, Tim, the kids, and for me.  She wasn't done with everything she needed to do.  Becca's not all growed up and to be honest,  I'm not either.  She's become like my mother and I have already done this.  I don't want to do it again.  I know.  I know the pain that my friend feels and will feel.  I know how it feels to wake up one day and it's all just real.  To pick up the phone to call her and she's not there.  To cook a holiday dinner and know that she won't be there to eat it.  To start shopping for her only to realize that she'll never open the present you bought her.  To just want to hold her hand one more time.  

Thank you Colleen.  For making my life better.  For making me want to be better.  For raising such an amazing woman who has become such an important and vital part of my life.  I will miss you more than I could ever explain.  I hope you know how much I love you!  Thursdays will never be the same.  I will carry you in my heart for the rest of my life.  Every time I see something with a moose on it, I will smile and think of you.  I will still make you chocolate orange cupcakes on your unbirthday.  I think foxglove will always make me a little sad.  Did you know that Becca and I identified a bird in the snowball tree?  It was a Cedar Waxwing.  We never got to tell you.  I wish we could have.

That is all.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Life and a Birthday


A fabulous happy 12th birthday to Kim's bestie, Miss Sarah!!  I hope it is the best ever!  We love you bunches of oats girlie!  Wish for you the best of all things and as much love as you can hold!

Had a great, but stressful, week.  We're moving into the new place but not all the way out of the old apartment.  Last night was the second night in our new house.  Uhm, it's really really quiet out here.  No vacuums at 2 a.m., no dogs running up and down the stairs above my bed, no screaming, and no traffic.  Awesome but very very strange!

Straddling two places is never fun.  Hoping to get it all done by Monday night.  

Have a great week lovelies!

That is all.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Peace

This might be my absolute favorite picture of my daughter.

We were in the car yesterday, zooming to get her to school on time.  (Which of course involved obeying all posted speed limits and laws of the road...ahem).  We had a nice visit with our friend Dawn after counseling and stayed a bit too long.  Fortunately, I am a freakin' amazing and safe driver and was able to arrive with two minutes to spare.  

Now, my daughter and I spend a lot of time together.  Between home schooling all but two of her classes and her being an only child; we hang, a lot.  We have a lot of really cool discussions between the fighting and the drama of pre-teenhood (I should really start trademarking these words). 

We started talking about loneliness and loving yourself and being happy.  These are some pretty deep subjects, especially for a quick car ride to school.  She asked why I'm not happy sometimes.  I told her that I find myself being very unhappy some of the time because I'm not at peace with myself or some of the decisions I've made.  I have a very hard time moving past things sometimes.  A lot of that is because I'm a creature of habit.  I've allowed my anxiety to create patterns for me and when something interrupts that pattern, it causes me no small bit of distress.  I digress.  Back to the point Miss Chatty. 

 You're going to make mistakes.  Big ones and small ones.  You're going to make decisions.  Right ones and wrong ones.  When you're wrong, learn from it.  Sometimes decisions will be made for you.  Experience the feelings, immerse yourself in the experiences; but know that you have to find a way to be at peace with yourself.  Don't let the war in your soul rage on too long.  Learn to let it go.  Know that sometimes you will not have what you want, no matter what.  No matter how much you love, how much you hope, you can't always get what you want.  Make peace with it and move on.  If you can find a way to restore peace to your soul, you will be able to be happy.  There will be times of turmoil, fear, depression, anxiety, desperation, and anger.  There will be times of calm, fearlessness, excitement, and wild happiness.  Regret isn't free.  It has a huge cost, so never buy it!  Meditate, breathe, and give yourself over to the peace in your soul.

I told her that if I could have just one thing in this world, it would be for her to have peace.



That is all.


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Our House

I don't have any pictures of it yet, but Kev signed the papers on the house and we get the keys on Wednesday.

We have been working towards this for almost five years.  We've been actively working on this house for about six months.  Before that we spent 15 months with another house.  All in all, it's been a long road.  Every problem that came up, we worked through it.  There were times we just wanted to give up but we carried each other through it.  So yay to all five of us.  We rock.

It's our house.  

Ours.

Happy.

That is all.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Happy Birthday Mommy

My mother would be 64 today.  

Her favorite flower was Wisteria.  
Her favorite song was "What A Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong.
She favored strong, bold colors.
She read, she wrote, she sewed, she cooked, and she loved.
She was kind, loyal, beautiful, funny, smart, and genuinely nice.
She believed the best in people, even when they didn't believe in themselves.
She projected strength and love to the world.
She was secretly scared of so many things but so few saw that.
She was a wonderful friend, wife, and mother.
She taught me to always be true to myself.
To always take the pass less traveled.
She taught me that nobody can make me feel inferior without my permission.
She was amazing.

My friend Amanda said one of the most touching things I've ever heard about my mother:

"There are some people whose love reaches so deep inside of you they forever change your outlook on life. Just thought you should know she did that for me. The way she could see the good in people and offer grace made a permanent impression on me and I think of her often. Thanks for sharing her with me. You are such a beautiful reflection of who she was. What a legacy she left behind!"

If you've still got your mom, give her a hug and remember how lucky you are!

That is all.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Wishes

Gone are the days when I picked up a fluffy dandelion, wished with all my heart, and blew the seeds into the wind.

Today, I closed my eyes and wished with all of what I am.

I wished for my friend Dawn to get well.

I wished for my friend Ducks to be able to be happy.

I wished for my friend Susy to find her new place in life.

I wished for me to always have these people in my life.

Wish hard.  Love hard.  Be happy.

That is all.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Some Days You're the Grill.....

and some days you're the Kenny.

Tell me you got that...please.

Quick update since it's been a while.

Still struggling with food and exercise.  No excuses.  I just have been sucking.

Got the appraisal done by the lenders and they estimated repairs at $11,000.  Apparently we're using gold plated everything.  So, we're trying to get the go ahead to do the work ourselves and it's going to cost us, my best educated guess, less than half of that.  The most expensive is fixing the damn balcony and with Kenny (LOL  totally unintended, he's Kev's cousin.) and the miracle of the ReStore, I hope to keep that cost down.

Still working on my anger issues.  Trying to remember that nothing productive comes from being so angry about things.  Trying to breathe deeply, crawl out of the funk, and be okay with the world.

Working on recruiting more for my Avon team.  I missed Avon and the companionship of some amazing women (and a few good men).  It's helping me get out of the house and back into public a little more.  Going to set a goal to walk and hang catalogs on doors with my kiddo a few times a week.  You can click on the link above to get to my website if you're in need of anything.  Yep, pimping the Avon on my blog.

All right lovelies, it's time to shut my trap and get some school work done.  Enjoy your weekend!

That is all.

 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Careless Words


Whew!  What a week!  It's been busy, productive, frustrating, sad, happy, and pretty much every tumbling emotion you can come up with right off the top of your head.  A bit roller coastery which isn't how I like life but roller coasters happen.  Grab on and try to enjoy it while it happens.  If you can't enjoy it, just try not to throw up!  Wow, I should really put that on a T-shirt.  

Back to school on Monday.  I enjoyed the week off but I'm ready to start learning new things.  I got my books yesterday and I'm pleased to report that both of them together weigh two pounds less than one of my books for one of my classes last quarter.  Yes, I just randomly weighed my books for school.  See what happens when you give me a week off?

I get caught up in the world of me pretty frequently.  I don't remember if I bought the sticker in the picture above or if a friend bought it for me but either way, it was because it's a good description of me.  I tend to feel the world revolves around me and most days you'd hear me say "and rightly so".  I know this about myself and have tried very hard not to let that make me a completely centrally focused asshole.  While caught up in the minutia of life, I don't always think about what I'm saying or how I'm saying it.  I know I'm not alone in this, because many people have this problem.  I'm not asking for a hallelujah or anything, just a little tilt of your head as you decide if this pertains to you as well.  As I've grown, I've tried to learn to think before I speak.  Sometimes the mouth engages before the brain.  Out pops something unintentionally rude or offensive and I'm off and running before I even realize that it could have been hurtful or damaging to someone I love.  

(Just a side note: This does not include when I'm being intentionally rude or offensive.  I've mentioned before that goodness abounds but niceness is something you'd better get some place else!)  

When I love someone, I do it with all that I am.  I don't always do it right, but I do it the best way that I know how.  I don't love easily and when I love you; that's it for me.  I love you even when you're being a snotbucket or when you're bringing me azaleas because I was upset.  Unless you endanger my child, shatter the lives of those I love, or physically harm my loved ones; you're kind of stuck with me.  I will laugh with you, cry with you, pick you up when you fall, and help you bury the body.  When I hurt you with careless words, especially ones that hurt you deeply, I will be devastated and beg for your forgiveness.  It doesn't matter what the circumstances were, if I hurt you; I've done something that will eat away at me.  I strive every day to never hurt those that I love (regardless of whether or not that is possible) and will do all I can to make their lives better.

I hope that you'll take a moment to think before you speak and remember that a careless word can hurt someone you love very deeply.

That is all.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Winter Quarter - Check please!

Which is what I intend to do this week! 
I just finished up and turned in the last of my school work for this quarter and I'm free for a week.  Here's your check winter quarter and it looks like you owe me an A and an A-.  That's right.  Pay up!

I'm existing right now.  Having a hard time emotionally dealing with stuff.  I tried to make a stand and say "Here's what I'm feeling".  The sound of the bullets shooting me down was loud and clear.  Keep mouth shut and suck it up was the message.  Haven't decided how I'm going to handle that message yet.  I'll let you know as soon as I scrape the boot marks off my back.  

Still trying to get the house.  So frustrating that the underwriters are changing what they want every time they get what they asked for.  We'll just keep plugging.  

Not exercising enough and I need to get back to it.  I have let so many things fall by the wayside.  I'm feeling sorry for myself and I need to get the fuck over it, to be brutally honest.  I've stuck myself in this cycle of self hell and knowing it's my own doing makes it click right along.

So looking forward to my California trip with the kiddo next month.  I've missed the last two years and if I don't get out of here for a week soon, well, let's just say it won't be pretty!

Would somebody send me the strength to deal with my daughter's dad?  I've just become so annoyed and irritated with the whole "Which way did he go George?" routine that I find myself being snotty and rude to him.  Not good.  I know that I'm not the only person sick of having the same conversations over and over until I feel like I could just record it all and hit play when it comes around again.  Hey, while you're helping me with the strength to deal with him, how about with my friends husband?  

That's it.  Tahiti.  It's the only option.  B and I will pack up, swing down and grab Sus, and hit the beach.  We'll get a great nanny for the kids and spend May in Tahiti.  Pack up girls, we're getting off this rock!

Thanks for reading the ramblings!  Have a great weekend.

That is all.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Hello Saturday

Thank you for the V day gift B!  I Love it!  It makes my van snazzy.

I've written and rewritten this like seven times now.  
Long story made short:  This week SUCKED!

I usually can move past feeling fatalistic and shitastical by focusing on the positives.
If that doesn't work, I look at people who are truly worse off than I am.
If that doesn't work; well, that usually works.

Guess what!  It's not working.
I feel like a piece of crap.
I've now decided that for today, I am going to just feel this way.  I am not going to try to make myself feel better.  I'm going to go to Shanny's choir concert, Kim will have her sleepover here with Sarah, and I will make spaghetti.  I will clean, I will fold, I will do schoolwork.

Touche world!  You win today.
Tomorrow, however, you can suck it because I'll be back with a vengeance.  

That is all.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Still Alive

Hi everyone!  I know it has been a long time since I have posted.  I promise it won't happen again.  Life in the last three weeks has been tumultuous to say the least.  I feel like this picture right now.  I know the sun is there but these clouds just won't get the fuck out of the way to let it shine through.  

Nana (Becca's mom) ended up with a brutal kidney infection and was in the hospital for a few days.  She's back home right now and getting better.  Slowly but surely, but at least she's out of that horrid hospital.  Who gives a vegetarian (yes, all her paperwork says vegetarian) a chicken dinner and then tells them to eat around the damn chicken?  WTF?  Papa got on their asses and she got meals without meat at least.  They weren't edible but they didn't have meat.  Becca brought Nana some food as well as buying her some stuff from the cafeteria.  My sister and I whipped up an egg salad sandwich, an organic banana, and some decaf peppermint tea and Becca and I took it in.  I'm just glad she's out of that crap hole that we call a hospital.

I can't stop thinking something is going to go wrong with the house that we're buying.  We have got to get out of this place we live in.  In the last year we've had a shooting 50 feet from our front door, someone killed in the building next to ours, the same day as that someone was shot at behind the office, car prowls like you wouldn't believe, and the shit just keeps on coming.  No matter how hard the manager tries to get these people out of here, they are like ticks.  Despite all this, my daughter used to walk the two blocks to school (and back on days we didn't head out to B's) because it is environmentally irresponsible to start the car, drive two blocks and drive back just for an hour of school.  Sorry environment.  After the drug deal that my kiddo saw (and the heroin dealer saw her watching him) she goes no where by herself.  She doesn't even take the garbage or recycling out anymore.  She's effectively had the few freedoms she does have taken away because we live by a bunch of assholes.  So, we've got all the loan paperwork in and it's being processed.  The inspection has been done.  Now to wait for the appraiser and approval.

B's going through a rough time, without going into details.  Do you ever just wish that you could wave a magic wand and help the people you love?  Just know that I love you Ducks and I'm here.  We'll make it all work.

I'm so tired of all the bullshit drama created by people.  Grow up, deal with your shit, and stop putting it on other people.  Enough said.

All right bloggin' folks, I'll be more consistent with the blogging.  

Have a wonderful weekend.

That is all.


Monday, February 27, 2012

I'm Walkin' Oh Yes Indeed!

When I started walking in January, I could barely walk to the corner.  Yesterday we (Morgan, Kim, and I) walked .8 miles.  It was very windy and cold but we did it!

Yay us!

This picture has nothing to do with my post, but isn't it pretty?

That is all.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

They Are Not Environmentalists

They are Earth Warriors!

*Based on a quote by Daryl Cherney*
 
I usually don't cross-post between here and Happy Hippie Heart but I absolutely love my Earth Warriors and had to do a cross-post!
 

Friday, February 24, 2012

Hi There

I totally dig a sock monkey strolling downtown. :)  He was there for the Grand Opening of ModSock, this fab sock store on Cornwall Ave.  Here's Kimbo, followed by Sarah and Shannon.

Really wish Kaitlyn had been here!  As you can see, Sarah is sporting her sock monkey hat that Kim bought for her.

I :heart: Sock Monkey!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love

I decided to link up to the fabulous Cyn's Valentine's meme about loving yourself.  You can always check Cyn (and her awesome photography) out at The Chunky Goddess.


Loving myself.  What does that mean to me?  Honestly, I don't know.  I spend so much of my time caring for and worrying about everyone else, that I forget to take that "me" time.  I think this is a common problem for women in general, and mom's specifically.  (Yes yes, it's a sexist statement but I think you'll live).

I have this weird mix of loving myself and hating myself, which again I think is pretty normal.  So many of the things that I dislike about myself are the things I think of as failures.  Do I love myself?  I don't think I do.  I mean, I know that I rock out loud, but I don't think I love me very much.  I like me some days, does that count?

I would love to love myself.  How do I do that?  How do I change my self-perception?  Is it affirmations in the mirror, like Kevin says?  "I am smart, I am beautiful, and darnit, I love me".  Well folks, that involves looking in the mirror and I try not to do that.  Do I look at myself from the point of view of those that love me?  So, I asked some of them.  "What do you love about me"?  Let me tell you, thems are some crazy people! :)  Thank Goddess they are all in my life because my friends rock.  I've heard it said that you can judge your character by the quality of the people who love you.  In that case, I definitely am amazing, albeit a bit loose in the noodle.

Loving myself.  It means understanding my flaws and knowing that I am only human.  It means celebrating my good points and knowing that I can be pretty rad.  It's about owning my shit and saying "I will do better".  It's about loving those in my life and doing what I can to make their lives better.  It's about surrounding myself with honest people who make me want to be a better person.  It means being who I am and not changing into who I think others want me to be.

Maybe I do love me.

That is all.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Making Sense of the Noise

The last week has been a series of moments that I feel so mixed about.  I am in this place in my brain, which I wish would just shut up sometimes by the way, that is like sitting in a really comfortable chair in a room where you know there is something very dangerous but you don't know what it is.  You want to relax but you can't quite bring yourself to do it.  It's like knowing, as soon as you relax, BAM!  Usually, I can just relax in that chair and take things as they come but right now, not so much.  I've been thinking about life, love, loyalty, pride, prejudice, pain, selfishness, selflessness, loneliness, and breaking points.  I'm running around in mental circles until I'm dizzy.  So time marches on and I march with it; hoping I can make sense of the noise.  It's like it's waiting for me to figure it out.  Until I do, I'll be the me that I am, doing the things that I do, becoming ever better, and finding the peace in my heart.

"At night when the stars light up my room.
I sit by myself talking to the Moon.
Trying to get to you, In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon"
Bruno Mars ~ Talking To The Moon

That is all.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Through The Forest

Through the branches and brambles in my path, I see the bright sun.  I see where I'm supposed to go.  I must remember that to take the path less traveled, means that I will have to fight my way through.  For the most part, the road not taken is the one that has brought me the most.  The most love, the most joy, the most pain, and the most strength.  Truly it has made all the difference.  Some days, I remember the first path.  It's ease, pounded by the feet of the masses, looks so inviting.  Let's be honest though, I wouldn't be happy on that path.  I thrive on the challenge and sometimes, on the very pain that has come so close to defeating me. It's moments like these when I have to remember that I chose this path.  Although I may, in ages and ages hence, tell my story with a sigh; it will also be told with victory.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 
~Robert Frost~

That is all.