Sunday, August 25, 2013


We all have them.  Mine live in my head, where most of yours probably live too.  I wish mine would shut up.  I've spent too long feeling less than and for stupid reasons.  I'm trying so hard to feel like I deserve the things in life that many take for granted.  I deserve to be happy, loved, and respected.
Warning: rambling ahead..... 

It feels weird to not need your approval.  I spent so many years needing what you would never give me.  Not what you couldn't give me, but what you wouldn't.  I always thought that you didn't love me because there was something wrong with me.  After all, I was the common element in all of my failed relationships.  Clearly, I wasn't good enough.  Turns out, not only was I good enough, but you were really damn lucky that I loved you.  You really missed the boat.  It's okay.  If you had told me a year ago that I was about to say this, I'd have said you were crazy.  I am so glad that you didn't love me.  I am so glad that you made the decisions that you made that enabled me to move on.  Thank you!

Rambling ended.....

Just having one of those introspective nights with too much time to think.  Rather than numbing out the feelings and thoughts, I'm just letting them tumble and jumble.  Through it all, I keep internally chanting my positive self talk which is turning into a mantra.  I am trying to remember that what you believe is what you manifest.  So, I am worthy.  I am lovable.  I am loved.  I am beautiful.  

That is all. 

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