I'm a slightly (some days more than slightly) crazed, mostly hippie, vegan, single mom. This blog is where I put the funny, the sad, the frustrating, and all the other parts of me. I'm bound to offend you at some point, but I think you'll be okay!
I totally dig a sock monkey strolling downtown. :) He was there for the Grand Opening of ModSock, this fab sock store on Cornwall Ave. Here's Kimbo, followed by Sarah and Shannon.
Really wish Kaitlyn had been here! As you can see, Sarah is sporting her sock monkey hat that Kim bought for her.
I decided to link up to the fabulous Cyn's Valentine's meme about loving yourself. You can always check Cyn (and her awesome photography) out at The Chunky Goddess.
Loving myself. What does that mean to me? Honestly, I don't know. I spend so much of my time caring for and worrying about everyone else, that I forget to take that "me" time. I think this is a common problem for women in general, and mom's specifically. (Yes yes, it's a sexist statement but I think you'll live).
I have this weird mix of loving myself and hating myself, which again I think is pretty normal. So many of the things that I dislike about myself are the things I think of as failures. Do I love myself? I don't think I do. I mean, I know that I rock out loud, but I don't think I love me very much. I like me some days, does that count?
I would love to love myself. How do I do that? How do I change my self-perception? Is it affirmations in the mirror, like Kevin says? "I am smart, I am beautiful, and darnit, I love me". Well folks, that involves looking in the mirror and I try not to do that. Do I look at myself from the point of view of those that love me? So, I asked some of them. "What do you love about me"? Let me tell you, thems are some crazy people! :) Thank Goddess they are all in my life because my friends rock. I've heard it said that you can judge your character by the quality of the people who love you. In that case, I definitely am amazing, albeit a bit loose in the noodle.
Loving myself. It means understanding my flaws and knowing that I am only human. It means celebrating my good points and knowing that I can be pretty rad. It's about owning my shit and saying "I will do better". It's about loving those in my life and doing what I can to make their lives better. It's about surrounding myself with honest people who make me want to be a better person. It means being who I am and not changing into who I think others want me to be.
The last week has been a series of moments that I feel so mixed about. I am in this place in my brain, which I wish would just shut up sometimes by the way, that is like sitting in a really comfortable chair in a room where you know there is something very dangerous but you don't know what it is. You want to relax but you can't quite bring yourself to do it. It's like knowing, as soon as you relax, BAM! Usually, I can just relax in that chair and take things as they come but right now, not so much. I've been thinking about life, love, loyalty, pride, prejudice, pain, selfishness, selflessness, loneliness, and breaking points. I'm running around in mental circles until I'm dizzy. So time marches on and I march with it; hoping I can make sense of the noise. It's like it's waiting for me to figure it out. Until I do, I'll be the me that I am, doing the things that I do, becoming ever better, and finding the peace in my heart.
"At night when the stars light up my room.
I sit by myself talking to the Moon.
Trying to get to you, In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon"
Through the branches and brambles in my path, I see the bright sun. I see where I'm supposed to go. I must remember that to take the path less traveled, means that I will have to fight my way through. For the most part, the road not taken is the one that has brought me the most. The most love, the most joy, the most pain, and the most strength. Truly it has made all the difference. Some days, I remember the first path. It's ease, pounded by the feet of the masses, looks so inviting. Let's be honest though, I wouldn't be happy on that path. I thrive on the challenge and sometimes, on the very pain that has come so close to defeating me. It's moments like these when I have to remember that I chose this path. Although I may, in ages and ages hence, tell my story with a sigh; it will also be told with victory.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the bombardment of beauty in this world. I have self-esteem issues myself and always have. My daughter has some issues with body image and it breaks my heart. I watch the struggle that people go through (yes ladies, men go through it too, just not as vocally as we do) to try and be physically "perfect" like the people we, for some reason, idolize. There is a GREAT post by Crunchy Betty here that says a lot of things that I think we need to hear. First and foremost is this:
You need to understand that what you see in the magazine and on the TV is not real. Stop aiming for it, because it is simply not real.
I'll let you read the rest of the post yourself and if you have pre-teen or teenagers, then let them read it as well. Until we, as adults, understand that the standard of beauty that is set in this country is unrealistic, and is in fact dangerous, things will not change. Our girls, and yes our boys too (they are the fastest growing population of anorexic and bulimic teens and pre-teens), will continue to look at their bodies in a negative light.
It's hard to raise children with a positive self image when they are constantly exposed to the "perfection" of the models that they see. You can turn off the TV, but as long as they can see books, magazines, and billboards; they will see these perfect people. They will not see the airbrushing, the stylists, the makeup crew, the photoshopping, or anything else done to make these pictures and people look so good.
I try to teach my daughter that it's all fake, that natural beauty comes from eating healthy foods, drinking water, and loving yourself. I'm not always successful but I try.
"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting".
~e.e. cummings~
Today starts Day 1 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Eeeeek!
I'm a little scared of Jillian!
EDIT:
My daughter and I just did our first shred. Jillian Michaels: I despise you with the fire of a thousand suns. I will not cry if you get a boil on your pert little ass. That was the worst 20 minutes of my life and I've had some pretty horrific moments. At the end of it, I looked over at the crumpled form of my daughter, and said "Tomorrow good for you?". Check back next week to see if I have recovered the love I used to have for Jillian.
It's a bumpy ride but far less bumpy than past efforts.
In case you haven't heard this week, there is some shocking news.
The Baroness of Butter, the Countess of Cream, the Lady of Lard; has Type 2 Diabetes.
Of course I speak of the sweet Southern Belle, Paula "Deep-Fry It" Deen.
Am I pissed that Paula has Diabetes? Of course not! Am I pissed that she's known for over three years and kept it a secret while raking in the bucks showing people how to make things like Ultimate Fantasy Deep Fried Cheesecake, and Deep Fried Lasagna? Hell yes! She came out with the news of her diabetes only AFTER she secured a deal with Novo Nordisk to hawk their diabetes medication. What a hypocritical bitch y'all!
I'm having a bit of trouble holding down my tomato/spinach/garlic juice right now. It could be quotes like "I’m here today to let the world know that it is not a death sentence". No shit honey! Really? Type 2 Diabetes is not a death sentence? It's completely preventable with the proper diet and exercise? You mean, you can actually CURE yourself of Type 2 Diabetes? That is unless you eat things like Deep-Fried Stuffing on a Stick from her website. There is over 20 grams of fat per serving in that little gem, which is my best guess using a nutritional calculator because you can't find ANY nutritional information on Pauladeen.com (as of the writing of this blog at least). That didn't count the fat used to fry it in, by the way, that's just the fucking ingredients.
Here's another quote to make you just a tad more queasy. "Here’s the thing, you know, I’ve always encouraged moderation. On my show, you know, I share with you all these yummy, fattening recipes, but I tell people 'in moderation". I've watched your show Paula. I've actually heard you say the words "Now remember y'all, you can eat this in moderation" with a coy wink, a sly smile, all the while sliding the 2 sticks of butter into the bowl for your Fried Butter Balls.
What's funny about this? I used to admire Paula Deen. She pulled herself out of a hell that I know a lot about (social anxiety and agoraphobia), so I respected the hell out of her. I have even occasionally thought "If Paula Deen can do it, so can I". Not about her cooking, I can't handle that shit, but about her anxiety issues.
I've always thought Anthony Bourdain a bit of an ass but with quotes like "Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later", I am gaining an appreciation for him. He, before this lovely bit of news, called Deen “the worst, most dangerous person to America," who "revels in her unholy connections with evil corporations" and is "proud of the fact that her food is fucking bad for you". My appreciation may be bordering on actual like here!
If Paula Deen had come out and said "I have Type 2 Diabetes. Please don't eat that shit that I was hawking. I am going to take down my disgusting ass, nutritional information barren website, and put up my new diabetes conscious website", I would have said "Way to go Paula"! But to wait three years, all the while knowing that the garbage you sell is killing people, that's unconscionable. She waited until she had a lucrative endorsement, her son got a deal for a "health conscious" cooking show (which is called "Not My Mama's Meals for fucks sake), and a fancy "light" website ready. She's a disgusting pig. Speaking of pigs, let's watch Paula get hit by a ham!
Makes me smile every goddamn time!
"When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you've been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you've got Type 2 Diabetes ... It's in bad taste if nothing else," says Anthony Bourdain. You're right Bourdain. It does leave a bad taste in my mouth. I think I'm going to go have a cigarette.
