Some Days You're the Grill.....

and some days you're the Kenny.

Tell me you got that...please.

Quick update since it's been a while.

Still struggling with food and exercise.  No excuses.  I just have been sucking.

Got the appraisal done by the lenders and they estimated repairs at $11,000.  Apparently we're using gold plated everything.  So, we're trying to get the go ahead to do the work ourselves and it's going to cost us, my best educated guess, less than half of that.  The most expensive is fixing the damn balcony and with Kenny (LOL  totally unintended, he's Kev's cousin.) and the miracle of the ReStore, I hope to keep that cost down.

Still working on my anger issues.  Trying to remember that nothing productive comes from being so angry about things.  Trying to breathe deeply, crawl out of the funk, and be okay with the world.

Working on recruiting more for my Avon team.  I missed Avon and the companionship of some amazing women (and a few good men).  It's helping me get out of the house and back into public a little more.  Going to set a goal to walk and hang catalogs on doors with my kiddo a few times a week.  You can click on the link above to get to my website if you're in need of anything.  Yep, pimping the Avon on my blog.

All right lovelies, it's time to shut my trap and get some school work done.  Enjoy your weekend!

That is all.

 

Careless Words

 

Whew!  What a week!  It's been busy, productive, frustrating, sad, happy, and pretty much every tumbling emotion you can come up with right off the top of your head.  A bit roller coastery which isn't how I like life but roller coasters happen.  Grab on and try to enjoy it while it happens.  If you can't enjoy it, just try not to throw up!  Wow, I should really put that on a T-shirt.  

Back to school on Monday.  I enjoyed the week off but I'm ready to start learning new things.  I got my books yesterday and I'm pleased to report that both of them together weigh two pounds less than one of my books for one of my classes last quarter.  Yes, I just randomly weighed my books for school.  See what happens when you give me a week off?

I get caught up in the world of me pretty frequently.  I don't remember if I bought the sticker in the picture above or if a friend bought it for me but either way, it was because it's a good description of me.  I tend to feel the world revolves around me and most days you'd hear me say "and rightly so".  I know this about myself and have tried very hard not to let that make me a completely centrally focused asshole.  While caught up in the minutia of life, I don't always think about what I'm saying or how I'm saying it.  I know I'm not alone in this, because many people have this problem.  I'm not asking for a hallelujah or anything, just a little tilt of your head as you decide if this pertains to you as well.  As I've grown, I've tried to learn to think before I speak.  Sometimes the mouth engages before the brain.  Out pops something unintentionally rude or offensive and I'm off and running before I even realize that it could have been hurtful or damaging to someone I love.  

(Just a side note: This does not include when I'm being intentionally rude or offensive.  I've mentioned before that goodness abounds but niceness is something you'd better get some place else!)  

When I love someone, I do it with all that I am.  I don't always do it right, but I do it the best way that I know how.  I don't love easily and when I love you; that's it for me.  I love you even when you're being a snotbucket or when you're bringing me azaleas because I was upset.  Unless you endanger my child, shatter the lives of those I love, or physically harm my loved ones; you're kind of stuck with me.  I will laugh with you, cry with you, pick you up when you fall, and help you bury the body.  When I hurt you with careless words, especially ones that hurt you deeply, I will be devastated and beg for your forgiveness.  It doesn't matter what the circumstances were, if I hurt you; I've done something that will eat away at me.  I strive every day to never hurt those that I love (regardless of whether or not that is possible) and will do all I can to make their lives better.

I hope that you'll take a moment to think before you speak and remember that a careless word can hurt someone you love very deeply.

That is all.

Winter Quarter - Check please!

Which is what I intend to do this week! 

I just finished up and turned in the last of my school work for this quarter and I'm free for a week.  Here's your check winter quarter and it looks like you owe me an A and an A-.  That's right.  Pay up!

I'm existing right now.  Having a hard time emotionally dealing with stuff.  I tried to make a stand and say "Here's what I'm feeling".  The sound of the bullets shooting me down was loud and clear.  Keep mouth shut and suck it up was the message.  Haven't decided how I'm going to handle that message yet.  I'll let you know as soon as I scrape the boot marks off my back.  

Still trying to get the house.  So frustrating that the underwriters are changing what they want every time they get what they asked for.  We'll just keep plugging.  

Not exercising enough and I need to get back to it.  I have let so many things fall by the wayside.  I'm feeling sorry for myself and I need to get the fuck over it, to be brutally honest.  I've stuck myself in this cycle of self hell and knowing it's my own doing makes it click right along.

So looking forward to my California trip with the kiddo next month.  I've missed the last two years and if I don't get out of here for a week soon, well, let's just say it won't be pretty!

Would somebody send me the strength to deal with my daughter's dad?  I've just become so annoyed and irritated with the whole "Which way did he go George?" routine that I find myself being snotty and rude to him.  Not good.  I know that I'm not the only person sick of having the same conversations over and over until I feel like I could just record it all and hit play when it comes around again.  Hey, while you're helping me with the strength to deal with him, how about with my friends husband?  

That's it.  Tahiti.  It's the only option.  B and I will pack up, swing down and grab Sus, and hit the beach.  We'll get a great nanny for the kids and spend May in Tahiti.  Pack up girls, we're getting off this rock!

Thanks for reading the ramblings!  Have a great weekend.

That is all.

Hello Saturday

Thank you for the V day gift B!  I Love it!  It makes my van snazzy.

I've written and rewritten this like seven times now.  

Long story made short:  This week SUCKED!

I usually can move past feeling fatalistic and shitastical by focusing on the positives.

If that doesn't work, I look at people who are truly worse off than I am.

If that doesn't work; well, that usually works.

Guess what!  It's not working.

I feel like a piece of crap.

I've now decided that for today, I am going to just feel this way.  I am not going to try to make myself feel better.  I'm going to go to Shanny's choir concert, Kim will have her sleepover here with Sarah, and I will make spaghetti.  I will clean, I will fold, I will do schoolwork.

Touche world!  You win today.

Tomorrow, however, you can suck it because I'll be back with a vengeance.  

That is all.

Still Alive

Hi everyone!  I know it has been a long time since I have posted.  I promise it won't happen again.  Life in the last three weeks has been tumultuous to say the least.  I feel like this picture right now.  I know the sun is there but these clouds just won't get the fuck out of the way to let it shine through.  

Nana (Becca's mom) ended up with a brutal kidney infection and was in the hospital for a few days.  She's back home right now and getting better.  Slowly but surely, but at least she's out of that horrid hospital.  Who gives a vegetarian (yes, all her paperwork says vegetarian) a chicken dinner and then tells them to eat around the damn chicken?  WTF?  Papa got on their asses and she got meals without meat at least.  They weren't edible but they didn't have meat.  Becca brought Nana some food as well as buying her some stuff from the cafeteria.  My sister and I whipped up an egg salad sandwich, an organic banana, and some decaf peppermint tea and Becca and I took it in.  I'm just glad she's out of that crap hole that we call a hospital.

I can't stop thinking something is going to go wrong with the house that we're buying.  We have got to get out of this place we live in.  In the last year we've had a shooting 50 feet from our front door, someone killed in the building next to ours, the same day as that someone was shot at behind the office, car prowls like you wouldn't believe, and the shit just keeps on coming.  No matter how hard the manager tries to get these people out of here, they are like ticks.  Despite all this, my daughter used to walk the two blocks to school (and back on days we didn't head out to B's) because it is environmentally irresponsible to start the car, drive two blocks and drive back just for an hour of school.  Sorry environment.  After the drug deal that my kiddo saw (and the heroin dealer saw her watching him) she goes no where by herself.  She doesn't even take the garbage or recycling out anymore.  She's effectively had the few freedoms she does have taken away because we live by a bunch of assholes.  So, we've got all the loan paperwork in and it's being processed.  The inspection has been done.  Now to wait for the appraiser and approval.

B's going through a rough time, without going into details.  Do you ever just wish that you could wave a magic wand and help the people you love?  Just know that I love you Ducks and I'm here.  We'll make it all work.

I'm so tired of all the bullshit drama created by people.  Grow up, deal with your shit, and stop putting it on other people.  Enough said.

All right bloggin' folks, I'll be more consistent with the blogging.  

Have a wonderful weekend.

That is all.

I'm Walkin' Oh Yes Indeed!

When I started walking in January, I could barely walk to the corner.  Yesterday we (Morgan, Kim, and I) walked .8 miles.  It was very windy and cold but we did it!

Yay us!

This picture has nothing to do with my post, but isn't it pretty?

That is all.

They Are Not Environmentalists

They are Earth Warriors!

*Based on a quote by Daryl Cherney*

 

I usually don't cross-post between here and Happy Hippie Heart but I absolutely love my Earth Warriors and had to do a cross-post!