Week 1

I know I just blogged on Saturday about all this but last Monday is when I started the changes in my life.

\A 5 pound weight loss this week.  Considering it was a holiday week, I feel pretty good about the loss.  Yesterday was the only day that I ate/drank cooked food before lunch.  Kev brought me a chai when he came over yesterday for stockings in the morning.  Steamed milk is not a raw food but hey, the chai was good and it was xmas. :)

I feel better although some of the things this body is doing while it releases toxins makes me very unhappy.  We'll just leave it at that.

I'm drinking my last soda today.  After this it's milk, freshly squeezed fruit juices, vegetable juices, and wonderful fabulous water.  

Yesterday was a great day.  Family, friends, food, and presents.  I enjoyed spending time with my dad and alternomomma.  At one point I looked around and took a few minutes to remember Christmases past.  Good times then and now.

This coming week is a big one for me.  I tend to jump off track the second week but with no counting, no writing, and one simple rule; I should be fine.

Thanks for listening to me.

That is all.

A Necessary Humiliation

Then and Now

The now, as of Monday, is  pounds at the doctor's office.  With clothes and shoes.  They get weird when you strip down apparently.

Why am I telling you this?  It's because the time for action has come, gone, and come around again.  I have been considering surgery.  I have found a co-signer for a medical loan to get a lap-sleeve.  With this surgery, I can save my life.  All I have to do is chop up my body.  From the very first time this was brought up, I have shied away from it.  Say it out loud and hear how it sounds to you, "All I have to do, is chop up my body".  Pretty scary, isn't it?

I have done this to myself.  I have done everything with food but kill myself and hey, if I keep this up, I'll do that too.  I will die if I do not heal myself.  Another scary thing that I have a hard time saying out loud.  This is not news to me.  However, this is the first time I've felt it to the very core of my being.  Blood Pressure: perfectly fine, a little low even.  Cholesterol:  perfectly fine, better than my doctor's.  Diabetes: nope.  I am disgustingly healthy for someone "my size".  Goddess how I hate those two words, "my size".  Like everything that is said has to add those two little words.  

I watched Food Matters on Monday, right after the scale at the doctor's office showed me that I had reached that forbidden, disgusting, and humiliating number.  I cried.  I cried for my mother, who didn't have to die.  I cried for my daughter, who doesn't have to be on medication.  I cried for me.  I cried because I don't have to die.  I cried because I might be able to keep my daughter from going through losing her mother way too early.  Like I did.  

Tuesday morning I began a transition that is already giving me new life. That I know will save my life.  I am slowly transitioning to a mostly raw food diet.  I've been having coconut milk and fruit smoothies for breakfast.  If I get hungry before lunch, I snack on fresh fruits, vegetables, raw nuts, or raw sunflower seeds.  Lunch and dinner are not raw foods exclusively but do include fresh fruits and vegetables.  Snacks are nuts, seeds, fruits or vegetables (raw of course) or an organic Clif bar if I feel the need for something cooked. 

This is my fifth day of a raw breakfast.  My energy is already increasing by leaps and bounds.  I'm already having a better quality of sleep, which is something I thought I would never have again.  I know I've lost weight and I feel amazing.  If I'm hungry, I eat something raw.  I don't deny myself eating because I know that what I'm eating is making me a better, healthier, and happier human being.

I will probably never stop eating cooked food entirely but I can tell you that I will eat a lot less of it in the future.  There are side effects as my body detoxes from the cooked food.  They'll go away eventually.  I can deal with the break outs because I know it's the toxins leaving my body.  I can feel the health that is rushing to replace those toxins and it feels amazing.

I have to blog about this.  I have to be honest with myself and the only way I can do that right now is to get it all out here.  I've lied to myself for far too long.  Here's hoping that you will help me with this journey and help me move towards a healthy me.

That is all.

Trimming The Trees

I get the pleasure of not only decorating our family tree every year, but getting to help decorate Becca's family tree.  So here is a mish mash of the decorating that occurred on Sunday and Monday.  All pictures of B's family tree were taken by the amazing Becca.  All pictures of my family tree are taken by my cell phone, I'm sure you'll notice the quality difference. 

Starting top left, going clockwise.  Shan won rock paper scissors and got to hang the first ornament (B's tree); My sister, Kim's friend Abby, Kim, and Kev posing in front of the decorated tree (S's tree); Getting the trees at Tom's U-Cut with Papa, Nana and Dave; the gang playing "the game" in front of the tree (yes, I encourage this horrible behavior);  Sean and Seth getting ornaments to hang; the Susan family tree; the Becca family tree from outside (looks wicked cool); Kim being held up by Abby to put the angel on our tree; Kim and Sarah picking ornaments to hang. 

These were two fabulous days with lots of fabulous people.

Happy Holidays everyone.  Whether you celebrate Yule, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, nothing, or something I haven't heard of; have a safe and wonderful week.  May you be blessed with Peace and Love.

That is all.

Blog Awards

I was pretty excited when Cyn over at Misadventures of a Chunky Goddess gave me a shout out with the One Lovely Blog Award and the Tell Me About Yourself Award.  Both awards ask that you thank the person who gave you the award and pass it along to 15 other bloggers.  The Tell Me About Yourself Award also asks that I tell you 7 things that you might not know about me.

1. I have 2 tattoos.  One of Marvin the Martian as a tribute to a dead friend and a flower with my mothers initials in a runic alphabet above it.  My dad has the same tattoo on his arm.

2. I have a passion for 80's music.  A deep passion.  We're talking hair bands, pop, metal, all of it.

3. I was/am a Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fan.  Yep.  It's true.  I harbor a previously secret crush on Anthony Stewart Head.

4. I kick ass on Wii's Michael Jackson Experience.  My Thriller score is 5 stars with a score of 11,315.  I'm so damn competitive that when anyone in the family or my best friends family beats my Thriller score, I work until I'm on top again.  

5. I was probably 14 before I realized that cranberry sauce didn't always come out of a can and that you probably shouldn't eat anything shaped like that.  Unfortunately I still prefer the canned junk but at least I eat the organic now...that makes it better, right?

6.  I'm scared of opossums.  Guhross!  Yucky.  I love hedgehogs though!  Yay hedgehogs.  Boo opossums.

Cute:

No possible way to make cute:  

I just want us all to be clear where I stand on the opossum issue.  

7.  Wow.  This is harder than it looks.  I love mint.  Mint Tea, Minty (inside joke), Grasshopper cookies, York peppermint patties, candy canes, Junior Mints, peppermint mochas or lattes, all of it.  The smell of mint makes me smile.  

Now that you know way more than you possibly wanted to know about me, here are the people that I am passing these awards on to.  Drop by their blogs and give them some love!

 Mommy Bags

If WTF Friday does not make you pee yourself laughing while making you mad, you're not reading it correctly!

Good Girl Gone Green

Steph rocks my world with her passion for this planet!

Crunchy Betty

Bought the book, think she's fab, and so inspiring!

Not Winning Mom of the Year

Well hell, neither am I!

I am baker

One word: NOM!

Letters to Mo

This is such a great idea and I love knowing that her son will read these some day.

A Day In The Wife

I just found this blog today.  I cannot stop laughing/commiserating with Julie, the wife.

Life With Four Crazy Kids

Great stories and adorable kids.

From Flab to Fab

and Ellen is fab!

I have to get some sleep.  Long weekend ahead!  Blessings and Peace,

That is all.

December

I love the holidays and I dislike the holidays.  I think that is pretty common for most people. 

I love the holidays because for many people, this is when they are thinking of others.  They go out of their way to be kind, to help others, and to give generously of their excess to those without.  I dislike the holidays because that should be a year round feeling.  You shouldn't wait until December to think of your fellow man.  Even if all you do is smile at five people a day, you have done something positive to help others.  December is a great time to give to Food Banks, but have you thought of July?  It's hot out and the kids are out of school.  There's not a lot of extra time.  So many people feel that way that Food Banks get desperate come summer time.  The good feelings of December are so far away so who really worries about it?  Homeless shelters serve people year round but they don't get a lot of attention in April.  By April you've transitioned to your spring clothes, shoved most of the winter clothes away until it gets cold again.  You're heaters are already off or about to be turned off.  You're starting to look at refreshing dinners instead of hearty dinners.  The people sleeping outside or in a shelter are still cold.  They are still hungry.

I love the holidays because they are full of people giving.  I dislike the holidays because they are full of greed.  Including mine.  Who doesn't like new shiny pretty stuff?  I sure do.  If it's got buttons and knobs and looks gadgety (totally a word people!) then I'm all for it.  I try not to get caught up in the wanting and the shopping but I can't help myself.  Then January comes around and we've got all this extra stuff that we don't need and really didn't want as badly as we thought we did.  Every year, I tell myself that we don't need to do this and every year, guilty.  As my daughter is getting older, I'm thinking of putting a one gift limit on the grandparents and then asking them to contribute to one of the shelters in the area in the spirit of life.  I'd like to turn to homemade gifts for the family and spend the rest of the money that I would have spent on useless stuff, on things that could help other human beings.

Am I the only one disgusted with our consumerism?  Our greed?  Our need of excess?

I know, enough preachy.  Who wants to be brought down, it's December.

On a good note, my daughter bought her best friend a holiday present that she knew she would love.  Today, in the car, she said "Mom, I'm so excited for Yuleakamas (Yule/Chanukah/Christmas; being in my family is confusing)."  I was scared to ask why, but I did.  "I can't wait to see Sarah's face when she opens her gift because she is going to be so happy".

These are the moments people.  The ones that make us proud.  The ones that bring a tear to the eye and joy to our hearts.  Knowing that we've done something right to bring these amazing people into the world.  Knowing that they will better the things that we have screwed up.

I think I love December after all.

That is all.