Friday, January 13, 2012

I miss you Mommy

That is my beautiful mother back in (probably) 1968 with my sister.  

Dear Mom,
Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of your death.  I miss you so much that sometimes it's overwhelming.  Everyday I strive to be half the woman, half the mother, half the human being that you were.  I wonder some days if you would be proud of me.  Kim's 12 now.  She looks so much like you and sometimes when she looks at me, I feel like you are there.  I miss you so much mommy.  Why did you have to leave me?  Sometimes I dream of you and it's so real.  I wake up and I'm so comforted but then I realize that it was just a dream and it feels like losing you all over again.  I love and hate those dreams all at the same time.  Why didn't you go to the doctor when I told you to?  Why weren't we able to save you?  Why did you give up?  We were fighting so hard to save you, why didn't you fight harder to save yourself?  It's taken me 15 years to ask that question.  Why didn't you fight harder?  Damn it mom.  I wish you were here.


  1. Oh, Susan, I am so sorry. Sending you good thoughts.

  2. God Bless you....I hope it gets easier somehow although I dont know that it ever does...I'm 25 and cant imagine losing my mom even though one day I will. She is my rock and my must be so hard.

  3. Thank you both. Shannon, it doesn't get easier but it gets less overwhelming for the most part. Occasionally it slams into you, like yesterday. Thanks for the positive energy.